I just get frustrated when online dating doesn't work for me. I write to guys, but never get a response. I'm not talking about writing 2-3 and not getting a response. Over a 2 year period I might have written about 50 guys. I only got a few replies. I didn't email/talk on the phone for more than a few days before they gave up. I didn't meet any of them in person.
I hate when guys asked why I haven't been in relationships. I'm not in a relationship because I get rejected all the time. I don't want to tell them that because it seems like my confidence is low, but its the truth. They will think something is wrong with me because I'm 31 and I've never had a serious relationship.
I wrote to about 15 guys within the past few months. I talked to one of them for 3 days. We were going to meet on the 3rd day but he said we weren't right for each other so we stopped talking. I talked to another guy for about 2 weeks. We were suppose to meet, but he came up with an excuse. Then he just stopped talking all at once. He was just playing games. Then another guy wrote back and asked how I was. I answered and he never wrote back. I didn't even get a response from the others.
I want a guy who will pursue me. I'm the one who always contacts them. I don't get many emails from men.
Am I writing to the wrong guys?
Are my emails boring? I try to mention something from their profile and mention some of our common interests and why I wrote to them.
Am I ugly?
Am I too old?
Can guys sense desperation?
Am I too fat?
Am I boring?
I always hope that the right guy would overlook my many short comings. But will they? I know I don't have my life together, but are there any men who look at a person for who they are? I'm a good person. I think I have a good personality.
Maybe I am a loser.
Yesterday I answered a Craigslist ad. I try to stay away from Craigslist because of its bad reputation. But I figured I'd just try. There was a guy in my area looking for a BBW. He was a cute guy and he thinks BBW is attractive.
Its still early, but I haven't heard from him yet.
I feel like this is all I ever write about anymore.
I think I get more and more lonely by the day. The rejection is killing me! I just wonder what is wrong with me. It surely doesn't boost my self esteem.
I'm a good person. I have a lot to offer. I think I'd be a great girlfriend. I'd be supportive, kind, caring, easy going. Does anybody care about a woman with good morals anymore? Inner beauty isn't valued.
I go everywhere alone and I'm just tired of it. I want someone to talk to. Someone to share my thoughts and my daily news. I want to know what it feels like to be in love. I see all my coupled and married friends having the time of their life and I'm all alone.
Online dating might not be the best way to meet someone, but I'm trying. Recently I've emailed 14 people. I got a response from 3 of them. They write for a short time and then they just stop. I didn't even get a response from the other 11 people.
When I do start talking to someone I'm ashamed to tell them that I don't have a dating history. They always want to know why. I don't know what to say. Should I say "no one will give me a chance?" I've written to a lot of people on this site, but no one will ever respond. So far I haven't met anyone in person after being on the site for 2 years. If I say I haven't been on a date in 2 years they want to know why.
On Wednesday night I finally started doing my job on 3rd shift. On my first night I was put out in soft lines (apparel). I was working with one other lady who has been working in that department. On my first night we had a ton of freight to open. We spent most of the night opening boxes. I got a good workout that night. Then we stocked whatever we could.
I actually like working in that section. I get a workout opening boxes and moving around to put things in their proper place. I worked there 2 nights already and I'm getting the hang of it. I'm learning a lot and taking it all in. I think I'm doing a good job and working hard. I'm just scared that I'll get into a routine and then they will move me. I'd really like to stay in that department. I know they need help in that department. Maybe they will see my hard work and that I'm catching on quickly. I need to work really hard and get all my tasks done! I almost got them done on Thursday night. I need to pick up the pace and work hard!!
Before I started I was so nervous about what I'd be doing. I was dreading it so bad. Now I feel a lot better.
The co workers are really helpful. I ask a lot of questions!
Adjusting back to 3rd shift wasn't too hard.
This week I'll be working 32 hours. The next 2 weeks I'll have 40 hours. I have the weekend off for the whole month of June. That's nice!
I started working on my budget and its balanced for now. I'm so excited to finally have money to do things. Last night I went out to a festival and to see a movie.
I'm ready to get my camera fixed. I think I will send it off after I get my next check on June 20!
I hate being in "limbo" at work. My official on-the-job training doesn't start till next week. Right now I have to do computer based learning for 4 days. Is there going to be enough computer work for 28 hours of work? Or will I have to be put where ever? I hate not knowing what I will be doing. I will have to go where they tell me to. I could be doing something different every day.
Friday I helped in 2 departments. The first half of the day was okay. I was hanging up clothes in the backroom. I was "zoning" for the about 2 hours after lunch. It reminds me of "busy work" that a sub would give you in school when the teacher was absent. Making the shelves tidy is kinda a lost cause, in my opinion. As soon as you make it look nice someone will come and mess it up again.
One of the managers told me stockers have to put out 60 cases an hour. Wow. What if I'm not fast enough? You are suppose to do all that and help customers? There won't be that many people coming in overnight but still you have to stop and help them. 1 case a minute? woah! This might really end up just being a temporary job for me. If I'm too slow would they still hire me on? I guess I'll find out after my 120 day temp period.
I feel so frumpy wearing the outfit. I don't even bother putting on makeup! You can't dress up. Well no one could stop me from dressing up, but you can't do the job wearing nice clothes! Doing a lot of bending, picking up things and getting on a ladder doesn't work so well in a skirt! I want to be in a job where I can wear dresses or skirts everyday!! (and be able to use my skills).
Wow I just read the post about Xanga possibly ending or moving to another paid blogging platform. I think this may be the end of my blog (after July 15). I've been blogging here 9 years. I used to have a premium membership, but I switched back over to the free blogging. $48 for a year doesn't seem like much, but its an expense I'd rather not have.
Should I open up a new blogger? I already have 2 other blogger accounts. One is a travel blog (that has been dormant for the past 3 years because I can't afford to travel) and I have a blog all about South Korea.
It will be odd starting over. I don't know if there is a way to upload all my archives to Blogger. Its strange to start a new blog and already have tons of archives. Its going to be tough to leave behind 9 years of blogging. I felt like I had a community here. I need to find another blogging community. Any suggestions?
I need a community where I can find online friends. I'm not on there to say "hey read my awesome blog about fashion". I wouldn't be promoting my posts anywhere. I blog about my everyday life which isn't that exciting. I'm just looking for support/advice/friends/a place to vent. It will be weird starting over without all my past entries. Downloading 9 years of entries will be a big process. Without them you lose the real story of why I am where I am today. Maybe I'll go back to Open Diary.
I remember when another blog closed down. I didn't download my archives so I lost everything. I don't know if I'll download my archives for Xanga.