What am I doing wrong?

I just get frustrated when online dating doesn't work for me. I write to guys, but never get a response. I'm not talking about writing 2-3 and not getting a response. Over a 2 year period I might have written about 50 guys. I only got a few replies. I didn't email/talk on the phone for more than a few days before they gave up. I didn't meet any of them in person.

I hate when guys asked why I haven't been in relationships. I'm not in a relationship because I get rejected all the time. I don't want to tell them that because it seems like my confidence is low, but its the truth. They will think something is wrong with me because I'm 31 and I've never had a serious relationship.

I wrote to about 15 guys within the past few months. I talked to one of them for 3 days. We were going to meet on the 3rd day but he said we weren't right for each other so we stopped talking. I talked to another guy for about 2 weeks. We were suppose to meet, but he came up with an excuse. Then he just stopped talking all at once. He was just playing games. Then another guy wrote back and asked how I was. I answered and he never wrote back. I didn't even get a response from the others.

I want a guy who will pursue me. I'm the one who always contacts them. I don't get many emails from men. 

Am I writing to the wrong guys?

Are my emails boring? I try to mention something from their profile and mention some of our common interests and why I wrote to them.

Am I ugly?

Am I too old?

Can guys sense desperation?

Am I too fat?

Am I boring?

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I always hope that the right guy would overlook my many short comings. But will they? I know I don't have my life together, but are there any men who look at a person for who they are? I'm a good person. I think I have a good personality.

Maybe I am a loser.

__________________________

Yesterday I answered a Craigslist ad. I try to stay away from Craigslist because of its bad reputation. But I figured I'd just try. There was a guy in my area looking for a BBW. He was a cute guy and he thinks BBW is attractive.

Its still early, but I haven't heard from him yet.

On Wednesday night I finally started doing my job on 3rd shift. On my first night I was put out in soft lines (apparel). I was working with one other lady who has been working in that department. On my first night we had a ton of freight to open. We spent most of the night opening boxes. I got a good workout that night. Then we stocked whatever we could.

I actually like working in that section. I get a workout opening boxes and moving around to put things in their proper place. I worked there 2 nights already and I'm getting the hang of it. I'm learning a lot and taking it all in. I think I'm doing a good job and working hard. I'm just scared that I'll get into a routine and then they will move me. I'd really like to stay in that department. I know they need help in that department. Maybe they will see my hard work and that I'm catching on quickly. I need to work really hard and get all my tasks done! I almost got them done on Thursday night. I need to pick up the pace and work hard!!

Before I started I was so nervous about what I'd be doing. I was dreading it so bad. Now I feel a lot better.

The co workers are really helpful. I ask a lot of questions!

Adjusting back to 3rd shift wasn't too hard.

This week I'll be working 32 hours. The next 2 weeks I'll have 40 hours. I have the weekend off for the whole month of June. That's nice!

I started working on my budget and its balanced for now. I'm so excited to finally have money to do things. Last night I went out to a festival and to see a movie.

I'm ready to get my camera fixed. I think I will send it off after I get my next check on June 20! 

Wow I just read the post about Xanga possibly ending or moving to another paid blogging platform. I think this may be the end of my blog (after July 15). I've been blogging here 9 years. I used to have a premium membership, but I switched back over to the free blogging. $48 for a year doesn't seem like much, but its an expense I'd rather not have.

Should I open up a new blogger? I already have 2 other blogger accounts. One is a travel blog (that has been dormant for the past 3 years because I can't afford to travel) and I have a blog all about South Korea.

It will be odd starting over. I don't know if there is a way to upload all my archives to Blogger. Its strange to start a new blog and already have tons of archives. Its going to be tough to leave behind 9 years of blogging. I felt like I had a community here. I need to find another blogging community. Any suggestions?

I need a community where I can find online friends. I'm not on there to say "hey read my awesome blog about fashion". I wouldn't be promoting my posts anywhere. I blog about my everyday life which isn't that exciting. I'm just looking for support/advice/friends/a place to vent. It will be weird starting over without all my past entries. Downloading 9 years of entries will be a big process. Without them you lose the real story of why I am where I am today. Maybe I'll go back to Open Diary.

I remember when another blog closed down. I didn't download my archives so I lost everything. I don't know if I'll download my archives for Xanga.