I feel like such a failure in life. Most days I wonder why I have the will to continue living. I'm so scared to go out and meet new people. What will they think of me? I'm a fat loser with no job or money. I have no social skills and no real friends. I don't feel like I fit in with any of the people who I used to be friends with. They all have careers and are able to live on their own. They are all outgoing and I am socially inept. (I have no job. I'm 30 and live with my parents) Who would look past all that and consider dating me? NO ONE!

I am searching but I'm not finding many things that I can do. A lot of them want experience. I don't have any. Most require degrees I don't have. (I have a Sociology Degree). Others require skills that I know I won't excel at.

I prefer to do jobs where I don't have to come in contact with the public..and no talking on the phone! I want to sit in my cubicle and do my job all day long. I could sit in a room all alone all day and be content. I don't consider myself a "People person" (although I do love meeting new people).

 I know that I am a good hardworking employee, but interviews are a big FAIL! (I don't even know how to get an interview!) They ask questions that I don't have an answer for. Is "I don't know" an acceptable answer? I have no self confidence. I'm not confident in my ability. All I know is I am a hard worker who learns fast and does the job to to best of her ability. I don't have any special skills, but I'm capable of learning new things. I enjoy learning new things. Companies don't want to have to train someone. They want someone who needs the least training.

I don't know how to market myself. I don't have confidence. I don't have any special skills. I don't have experience. All I have is the ability and willingness to learn new skills.

I don't want to be one of these people who complains about their job all day long.  I want to find something that I will like and where I can excel. I don't want to settle just to pay the bills.

I had a great job once. I loved my first job and I was good at it. I had a great boss. I loved all my coworkers. I made a decent salary. I had benefits.  Then I lost it all and I still haven't recovered 5 years later. That good job seems so far out of my grasp. I am still extremely bitter about losing my first job through no fault of my own. I wish they would have hired someone who could better handle the company and not take them into bankruptcy!!!

When it rains-it pours. Oh how true that is.

My life feels like a constant hurricane! Why am I even here? I just exist with no purpose. Why can't I ever get a break? I want to be happy. I want a good job I can be proud of, to live on my own again, a better (newer) car, someone to love, and to be healthy. Is that too much to ask?  I'm not asking for something outrageous like a mansion, celebrity husband or a BMW.  I just want to live a comfortable middle class lifestyle like everyone else I know. Right now I'm at the poverty level-1 step away from homeless. (I live with my parents and my cashflow is in the double digits.)

I have no motivation to exercise. I've been counting all my points, but can't make myself exercise. Too much stress. yuck!

I still haven't received payment for my last day of work at my previous job. Its been a week. Mail does not take that long. I think I will have to email her to remind her. (She makes me so angry. I used to have such a high opinion of her. Now the very thought of her makes me very angry!)

I had to act quickly today after I found out I forgot to cancel a billpay payment. Iwish I didn't sign up for billpay again!! I hate that Wachovia had to turn into Wells Fargo. Its on an account that I rarely use and I set it up a long time ago. I really regret that I have such a poor memory. It was a $150 payment and I only had $10 in the account. The payment hadn't gone to the payee yet, but it was too late to cancel it so it was out of my hands. I called the payee's customer service. They couldn't do anything because the payment is not showing up yet and there is no way to stop it. The best they can do is issue a refund in 4-6 weeks. Why so long? Then I called the bank. The bank filed a dispute saying the charge was unauthorized. Hopefully I can get the money back faster. The bank will handle it within 10 business days. (too long!) Now I have to send a notarized letter to the payee giving them permission to talk to my bank. nonsense. I went to my other bank and got out money to cover what was coming out so I wouldn't get pounded with an overdraft fee. I can't let it sit overdrawn because I have another bill that comes out in a few days. I dont want 2 overdraft fees. Now thats $160 out of my other account that I can't use until I get a refund. OH NO.

I'll have to spend all my babysitting money on my car insurance. I'm going to have to stay at home unless I absolutely need to go out because I don't have money for gas. I've even resorted to taking things back to Target because I need the money! I got $21 back last week from gifts that I'm not going to give. This week I should be getting about $15 taking back things I'm not using. I'm glad I found the receipt! I'm desperate!

I hate searching for jobs. I can't find many things I am qualified for. Everyone wants experience. I don't have any.

I've been looking for a nanny job, but the people that I contact won't contact me back. Care.com makes me promise that I'll respond to inquiries within a certian amount of time. (I haven't gottten any inquiries) I've contacted 2 people who were having babies soon. Why don't people looking for child care have to respond quickly?

I also hate filling out applications when I do find a job that I think I can do. I just got finished with one that is for a 3 month assignment. Its like they wanted my whole life history. I feel like I just signed my life away! After all that I probably won't even get an interview. They asked if you could be at work as early as 5:30am. wow. I'd have to leave my house at 4am! They also asked if you could stay as late as 9pm. The job sounded pretty easy.I could stick it out for 3 months.

I also hate applications because they assume everyone has worked in the USA.  I worked 3 jobs in South Korea (I wish I could go back, but its too risky-it can be a very shady business). There is nowhere to enter foreign jobs. Only a city, state box. Foreign phone numbers don't fit. Foreign zip codes dont fit (6 digits). They aren't foreign friendly. That puts me at a huge disadvantage. I HATE IT!

Maybe a temp agency is the way to go...I've only been searching for a week and I'm ready to give up. But will the temp agency have anything for me? Will I want what they have?

I'm negative all the time these days. I want to be positive, but I don't have anything to be happy about. It's one disaster after another. Everytime I stand up I get knocked back down.